150 Dad Jokes You’ve (Probably) Never Heard
- English Gardens
- 5 days ago
- 9 min read
There is a special corner of comedy where cringe jokes and funny jokes live happily ever after. It is the land of dad jokes. If you came looking for the best dad jokes, or a fresh dad joke of the day, you are in the right spot.
We combed the internet to avoid the played out stuff and packed this list with good dad jokes, bad jokes, bad dad jokes you will secretly love, and the funniest dad jokes we could muster. Consider this your ultimate “dad jokes 2025” upgrade. Ready for the best dad joke barrage you have never heard! Quick note so you know we kept it fresh. We checked popular lists and skipped the overused classics like “Hi Hungry, I’m Dad” and “nacho cheese.”
Here we go!
1. I only know 25 letters. I don’t know y.
2. I’d tell you a time-travel joke, but you didn’t like it.
3. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.
4. I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.
5. I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus. That’s how I lost my job as a bus driver.
6. I used to hate facial hair… but then it grew on me.
7. I only drink on two occasions: when it’s my birthday and when it’s not.
8. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
9. I told my suitcase we’re not going on holiday. Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.
10. I used to be a baker, then I couldn’t make enough dough.
11. Parallel lines have so much in common… it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
12. I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
13. I once had a job crushing cans. It was soda pressing.
14. I don’t play soccer because I enjoy it. I do it for kicks.
15. My boss told me to have a good day… so I went home.
16. I don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.
17. I slept like a log last night. Woke up in the fireplace.
18. I gave all my dead batteries away. Free of charge.
19. The rotation of Earth really makes my day.
20. I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.
21. I renamed my iPhone “Titanic.” It’s syncing now.
22. I’d tell you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it.
23. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
24. I wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn’t find one.
25. I got hit in the head with a can of soda. Luckily, it was a soft drink.
26. I’m friends with all electricians. We have good current connections.
27. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
28. I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.
29. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.
30. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
31. Want a brief explanation of an acorn? In a nutshell.
32. I bought a boat because it was on sail.
33. I know a lot of jokes about retired people… none of them work.
34. I cut my finger chopping cheese. But I think that’s grater news than expected.
35. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, then it dawned on me.
36. I don’t buy Velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
37. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
38. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
39. The scarecrow won an award because he was outstanding in his field.
40. I once swallowed a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat.
41. I told my computer I needed a break. Now it won’t stop sending KitKats.
42. I tried to sue the airline for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
43. My car’s manual is called “Lose Weight.” It’s a light read.
44. I told my kids a joke about paper. It was tearable.
45. I tried to eat a clock. It was time-consuming.
46. I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
47. I asked a librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
48. I can’t stand Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.
49. I went to buy some camouflage pants, but they were nowhere to be seen.
50. I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
51. I don’t trust elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.
52. I used to date an archaeologist. She gave me the shovel.
53. I told my phone “no more autocorrect.” It said, “duck you.”
54. I got a universal remote for Christmas. This changes everything.
55. I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
56. I saw a sign that said “Watch for children.” I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
57. I changed all my passwords to “Kenny.” Now I have Kenny logins.
58. I asked the dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.
59. I tried to organize a hide and seek tournament—but good players are hard to find.
60. I decided to sell my vacuum. It was just collecting dust.
61. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
62. I hate perforated lines. Totally tearable.
63. I love dad jokes. Sometimes he lets me tell one.
64. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.
65. I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
66. I broke my arm in two places. My doctor said, “Stop going to those places.”
67. I got a job at a calendar factory but got fired for taking a day off - again.
68. I ate a kid’s meal at McDonald’s. His mom was furious.
69. I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.
70. I used to be a baker… I couldn’t make enough kneaded puns.
71. I wrote a song about a tortilla. Actually, it’s more of a wrap.
72. I can’t believe I got fired from the orange juice factory. I couldn’t concentrate.
73. I tell dad jokes, but I have no kids. I’m a faux pa.
74. I ordered a book about teleportation. It never arrived.
75. I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii.
76. My ceiling isn’t the best… but it’s up there.
77. The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.
78. I got a reversible jacket. I can’t wait to see how it turns out.
79. I built a house using only marble. It had its faults.
80. I used to run a dating service for chickens. But I was struggling to make hens meet.
81. I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
82. I told my barber I wanted to look mysterious. He gave me a fringe benefit.
83. I wrote a book on penguins. It’s black and white.
84. Bees have sticky hair because they use honeycombs.
85. I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later - call me Dad.
86. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I can’t put it down.
87. I only check my phone every 5G seconds.
88. I told the AC a joke. It wasn’t a fan.
89. I got a job at Subway. It’s my current sub-stance.
90. I used to be a train driver. I got sidetracked.
91. I don’t trust those trees. They seem shady.
92. I swapped my car horn for a laughter track. Now I drive people crazy.
93. I used to be a personal trainer, but I lost my fitness clientele.
94. I told my plants a joke. They wet themselves- must be sprinkler systems.
95. I was going to tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.
96. German sausage jokes are the wurst.
97. I once ate a dictionary. Now I have thesaurus throat again.
98. I told my friend ten jokes to make him laugh. No pun in ten did.
99. I gave my wife a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
100. I asked the gym instructor, “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t do Tuesdays.”
101. I bought a drone for delivery. It went over my head.
102. I tried to start a hot-air balloon business. It never took off.
103. I wrote a song about a baguette. It’s a roll hit.
104. I went to a wedding of two Wi-Fi signals. The reception was excellent.
105. I told my kids we’re having leftovers. They said, “Again?” I said, “It’s a re-heated debate.”
106. I opened a door for a clown. It was a nice jester.
107. I can’t stop telling airplane jokes. My friends say they’re over everyone’s head.
108. I got a job at the zoo baking bread. I’m making loaves for the loaves.
109. I told my router a secret. It said, “I’m not wired for that.”
110. I cut my internet bill in half. Now I have two weak connections.
111. I ate a clock yesterday. It was second to none.
112. I tried to learn Japanese in the car. Too many honks and kanjis.
113. I wrote a book on boomerangs. It keeps coming back to me.
114. I asked my smart fridge for life advice. It gave me cold comfort.
115. I tried to be a comedian in space. No atmosphere.
116. I told my wife I’d stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
117. I can make a belt with watches. It’s a waist of time.
118. I like telling dad jokes while driving. I get good mileage.
119. I mixed up my iPad and cutting board. Now my recipes have great screen presence.
120. I opened a bakery on the moon. The rolls are light.
121. I plugged my guitar into the toaster. Now I have jam sessions.
122. I asked a coffee why it was late. It got mugged.
123. I tried to start a lemonade stand in winter. It snow-balled.
124. I told a joke to my shadow. It followed me laughing.
125. I bought a ladder to success. It’s a step in the right direction.
126. I named my dog “Five Miles.” Now I can tell people I walk Five Miles daily.
127. I lost my mood ring. I don’t know how I feel about it.
128. I put my root beer in a square glass. Now it’s just beer.
129. I stopped carrying cash. My wallet felt too current.
130. I tried to make a car out of spaghetti. It pasta way.
131. I adopted a cat from the internet. It had great bandwidth.
132. I told my son to follow his dreams—so he went back to bed.
133. I proposed at the gym. It was quite a heavy engagement.
134. I installed a skylight in my bathroom. The neighbors are furious.
135. I accidentally ate invisible ink. I’m in hospital waiting to be seen.
136. I told the calendar a joke. It had a date with destiny.
137. I joined a support group for procrastinators. We’ll meet eventually.
138. I took a job at the mirror factory. I could really see myself there.
139. I asked the librarian for books on illusions. She said, “They’re just not there.”
140. I bought a smartphone for my plant. It needed more cell.
141. I tried to start a candle business. It’s a slow burn.
142. I went to the doctor with a broken arm. He said, “You’ll have to shoulder it.”
143. I put the “pro” in “protein.” I’m great at eating.
144. I asked the map for directions. It said, “You are here.”
145. I have a fear of speed bumps. But I’m slowly getting over it.
146. I told my Roomba a joke. It swept me off my feet.
147. I started investing in herbs. My thyme’s finally come.
148. I asked my watch for a raise. It said, “I’m not your boss - clock out.”
149. I tried to learn to whistle with lettuce. It was a salad attempt.
150. I told my 2025 resolution to the treadmill. It ran with it.
Thanks for reading these cringe jokes and funny jokes all the way to the end. If one becomes your dad joke of the day, drop it in the comments. Got your own bad dad jokes, or the funniest dad jokes we missed share them below so we can keep this best dad jokes 2025 list growing.
Bookmark the post for meetings, school runs, or family dinners, and come back any time you want a fresh best dad joke from the best dad jokes ever collection!
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